


The Definition of Insanity

by sara_wolfe



Series: Fifty First Dates [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 13:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sara_wolfe/pseuds/sara_wolfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But it you hadn't gone out with me," Steve pointed out, "you'd never be able to say that you outran a tiger."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Definition of Insanity

In retrospect, repeating their disastrous non-date of dinner and a walk on the beach was probably a bad idea. But, Steve had gone out of his way to ensure that their night went perfectly, and dinner had gone off without a hitch, lulling him into a false sense of security. The walk on the beach had even started out well. 

It just wasn't ending well.

"I – am – going – to – kill you!" Danny panted out, as they sprinted across the golden sand of the beach. 

"How is this possibly my fault?" Steve demanded, as he kept pace with his partner. 

"Because I wouldn't be here if you hadn't asked me out on a date!" Danny growled, in an explosive rush of breath. 

From behind them came an answering growl, and Steve risked a glance over his shoulder to check on their progress. Their pursuer was loping along behind them, mouth open in a macabre imitation of a toothy grin, tongue lolling out of its mouth.

"But it you hadn't gone out with me," Steve pointed out, "you'd never be able to say that you outran a tiger."

From the searing look Danny shot him, that was the wrong thing to say. In fact, Steve was starting to regret it, himself. He didn't know where the tiger had come from, and frankly, he didn't care. He just wanted to be able stay ahead of the damn thing. 

The tiger had first been spotted nearly ten minutes ago, sending late-night beachgoers screaming for their cars. When they'd seen it, he and Danny had both had the same idea: make as much noise as possible and get the huge cat interested in them, rather than the other people on the beach. And it had worked.

Steve was beginning to think that it had worked too well.

Spotting a lifeguard stand about a hundred yards ahead of them, Steve pointed at it. He and Danny poured on the speed until they reached the empty stand, clambering up the ladder until they reached the top. They huddled inside the stand, watching warily as the tiger loped up to their hiding place, pacing slowly around the edge. It was looking up to where they were, but it wasn't making any attempt to get to them. 

"Do you think tigers climb?" he asked, getting a dirty look from Danny. 

"Thank you," he bit off, "I hadn't thought about that."

"Why do you think it stopped?" Steve asked.

"I don't know," Danny sighed. "Maybe it's playing with us before it eats us."

Steve fell silent at that, watching the tiger circle the lifeguard stand several times before it finally flopped down in the sand. It stretched and yawned, displaying an impressive set of teeth and claws.

"Danny?" Steve said, after a few more minutes of quiet. "I'm sorry that I got you chased by a tiger."

A wordless grunt was his only answer, and he glanced over at Danny to see his partner staring off into the distance. After a second, he saw what Danny was looking at: a family walking along the beach, completely oblivious to the danger that lay ahead. 

"Stop!" Danny screamed, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Turn back!" 

"Stop!" Steve echoed, desperately, but the people in the distance hadn't heard them. If anything, they were getting closer. 

The tiger, however, had heard them. And its attention was focused on the people getting closer and closer. It stood up and started its slow lope toward the group, and finally they noticed the tiger, if their panicked screams were anything to go by. 

"No!" Danny yelled, and he practically threw himself off the lifeguard stand, with Steve right behind him. "No, get away from them!"

He sprinted toward the tiger, who'd turned at the sound of his voice, and then Steve watched in horror as the huge cat changed direction and ran toward Danny. He could feel his heart stop in his chest when his partner went down underneath the huge creature. 

"Danny!" he screamed, and the tiger looked up long enough for him to see Danny pinned beneath it. 

He ran toward his partner, cursing, yet again, his lack of a gun. If they made it out of this one, alive, he was never leaving his gun at home, again. Romance be damned. Actually, now that he thought about it, not dying by way of huge, man-eating tiger was sounding pretty damn romantic in comparison.

He reached his fallen partner, fearing the worst, but he was confused by the lack of blood staining the sand. He was even more confused when Danny's hand, appearing to be still attached to the rest of his body, wormed its way out from under the huge mass of fur to push at the tiger's chest. There was a muffled sound, and then Steve watched in amazement as the tiger rolled off Danny, baring its stomach to the air. 

Danny grunted as he slowly pushed himself to his feet, looking completely whole and uninjured. Steve reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling Danny behind him so that he stood between him and the tiger. The tiger didn't seem to like that, sitting up and eyeing Steve like he was a big, juicy steak.

And then from behind him, he heard, "No, Mittens. Bad."

To his complete and utter shock, the tiger actually seemed to shrink away at the sharp tone in Danny's voice, ears drooping as it stared down at the sand. Steve slowly turned around and stared at Danny with much the same amazement.

"Mittens?" he echoed, slowly. 

"It's got a collar and tags," Danny told him, sounding far too calm for a man who'd just been tackled by a tiger. Steve expected an imminent explosion. 

"Its name is Mittens?" Steve demanded, incredulously, quieting quickly when the tiger growled, softly. "Mittens?" he hissed, softly. 

"I think it's a her, actually," Danny replied. "I think she just wanted to play."

As if in answer, the tiger – _Mittens_ , for god's sake – crept forwards and nuzzled at Danny with her huge head, practically knocking him off his feet. Steve instinctively steadied his partner, still keeping a wary eye on the seemingly-docile cat in front of them. 

Animal Control arrived shortly after that, and Steve watched, stunned, as Mittens allowed herself to be tranquilized by the men, at least once Danny had scratched behind her ears and called her a good girl. Her huge head dropped to the sand as the drugs overtook her, and Danny stood up from his crouch with a wince as his knee popped. 

"I think that's the most peaceful takedown we've ever had," one of the men said, wonderingly. "Detective Williams-"

"I have no desire to repeat this experience, any time soon," Danny said, before the man could finish his sentence. 

"Worth a shot," came the reply, and the man shrugged. 

"So, what's going to happen to Mittens, here?" Steve asked, watching as they loaded the cat into their van. 

"Zoo," came the short answer. "Which is funny, considering that Mittens' former owner is also looking at life in a cage." The man gave them a predatory smile as he shut the back door of the van, looking scarily like the cat he'd just tranquilized. "Lucky for us, he very helpfully put his name and address on the other side of the tag."

"Well," Danny announced, watching as the Animal Control van drove off, "I think that we can safely call this night a bust."

Steve couldn't really find it in him to protest. He and Danny went back to where they'd parked the Camaro, and Danny dropped him off at his house before going back to his new apartment. And Steve spent the rest of the night wondering if he was going to be lucky enough to get a third chance at a first date with Danny. 

When he walked into headquarters the next morning, he didn't see Danny, and his heart dropped. The other man had left a short message on his phone that morning, asking if he could drive himself in, and Steve had spent the drive hoping to see Danny once he reached work. Apparently not.

What he did see, once he stepped into his office, was the stuffed tiger sitting in a place of honor on his desk. He picked up the toy, smiling when he saw the bright red collar around its neck, with a tag emblazoned 'Mittens'. Then, he turned around at the sound of someone coming up behind him, to see Danny leaning against his doorframe. 

"Next time," Danny told him, "I'm picking where we go."

Steve felt a huge grin spread across his face at his partner's words. "It's a date," he promised.


End file.
